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Buried
"Are you sure this is the tree?" asked Margaret.
"Yeah," replied Anthony with a frown, holding a shovel.
"Really? Wow. After twenty years, it's still standing. Do you remember where it is?"
"Of course. I'm only thirty five, Margaret. Fifteen steps." Facing the tree, he stood beside a big rock that was leaning on the base. Then, he started walking in the opposite direction, counting his steps aloud.
"Do you think it's still there?"
He started digging. "How come you don't remember anything, Margaret? Did I go with the box that we buried?"
"It’s been twenty years, Anthony. I can't possibly remember everything."
"I can. Six letters, a bracelet, two movie tickets, and some pictures."
She looked away, her eyes blinking fast. "How's your wife?"
"She's fine."
Suddenly, he hit something hard with the shovel. They looked at each other and smiled.
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-04-11 14:07
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Hi Karlo
Nice story with a good wee twist.
A couple of picky points:
Not sure why she would be surprised that the tree was still there - it's only been twenty years, not long for a tree.
There are some repetitions - that's something that always stands out in micro-fiction e.g. 'started walking' 'started digging' 'after twenty years' 'it's been twenty years'.
But a good first attempt at the challenges - thanks for the read.
Cheers
Karen |
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| Tells a lot about the characters--both past and present--in such a few words. very nice! |
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I like the lack of any written backstory, but conveying such through the dialogue. It seems this story should either be real long w/ tons of backstory, or short like you did. I think it is stronger and original they way it is.
When I was a kid, we went every summer to this lake that was a few hours away and spent a week there. My brother,sister, and I used to play w/ these little trolls and had all this stuff that went w/ them. Anyway, before we returned home, we'd bury all the stuff and dig it up the next summer. Then we started going somewhere else; our treasure must still be buried there now, almost 40 years later. I bring this up to let you know that I hadn't thought about this in a long time, and your story really connected w/ me and brought it back...thanks... |
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-04-09 06:05
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| Good story, Karlo! Not sure if they're digging up letters, bracelet, tickets, and pictures or something else not mentioned so it left me dangling. |
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| I like the nuances ("how's your wife?") that come out in the story. It seems you got a scene of a bigger story that is stored in your head. Keep it up and it shall come out of the ground, Karlo! Nice to have you as a reader and to be able to read you too :) |
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