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A Hopeful Summer Falls to Winter.
A Hopeful Summer Falls to Winter.
When the winter falls to spring,
Summer begins her gentle assault on the daisies.
He loves me, He loves me not is recited,
As she examines her short list of tall men.
The days are full of hurried waiting by the phone;
A call that rings silently.
Summer is aggressively shy with men,
They never notice her common ritual.
At the spring dance, She picks the wall standing chair to sit.
The wall flower is a winter daisy.
Summer tries to smile but her shy frown is all that the men see,
Blind to her charms.
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Clever title. Since it's free verse, in the first line, I'd drop "the" as it doesn't add anything. Second line, if you were a daisy, you wouldn't think Summer's assault gentle. I love the contrast of "short list of tall men." I have that same problem. (Grin) At the end of the line, "Summer is aggressively shy with men," I would use a semi-colon. That and the following line are both complete thoughts of equal value and connected. First line, last stanza, seems awkward ("the wall standing chair to sit.") Don't know what I'd change to make it sound natural and flow without making it sound confusing. Next line, "Wall flowers are winter daisies." Last two lines, I'd drop "that the" - again unnecessary, adds nothing.
"...but her shy frown is all men see--
Blind to her charm." |
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