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That look in your eyes.
When we're laying in bed
and you look up at me.
Melts my heart every time.
The intimacy is alive.
The moment is alive.
Nowhere I'd rather be.
Leaving you behind.
Seeing road and trees.
Won't get home 'til 5.
You at work.
Me reminiscing.
Another alive moment.
The last time we were kissing..
A broken road.
Yet so complete.
Wishing you'd be there...
When I get off the bus.
Ready for the next time
we get to meet.
I miss you...
This moment is alive.
April 11, 2008
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Thanks for the comments and suggestions. This is how it was written in my phone's notepad. I left the punctuation in to try something different. I think the ellipses were moments when my thought kind of trailed off and I'd stare out the window. Does it take something away from the poem?
This really a wonderful poem full of love. I liked it so much that I read it several times; However, there is one thing that needs fixing, and that is the punctuation. There is punctuation at the end of every line, except for two lines. I would eliminate all punctuation because it's really not needed. Avoid the use of the ellipsis here. I enjoyed the read. Thank you.
