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captured angel
Rusted chain
sunk deep
into the granite cliff
overlooking the sea.
Tethered by a bleeding ankle,
she writhes against the rock,
black hair too beautiful
for her ferocious helplessness.
Blood drips into the thrashing waters.
She lost the breath
for screaming
long ago.
Wings beat in a desperate motion
scraped by the stone,
she thrusts against her shackle,
Muscles rippling,
fingers clasping at unreachable sky.
Rocks are patient
and do not understand glory.
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Thanks so much. I knew it was kind of choppy, but I had no idea how to fix it. Do you mind if I use this rewrite? I think it reflects what I was trying to portray better then the original.
And honestly I dont care much about the title... |
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Angels are tricky beasts to use in poetry, as they are such a weighted image, but this is interesting. I'd really like to see more about the contrast between the rock and the angel, and to have a title that reflects that dynamic more.
Rusted chain
sunk deep
into the granite cliff
overlooking the sea.
Tethered by a bleeding ankle,
she writhes against the rock,
black hair too beautiful
for her ferocious helplessness.
Blood drips into the thrashing waters.
She lost the breath
for screaming
long ago.
Wings beat in a desperate motion
scraped by the stone,
she thrusts against her shackle,
Muscles rippling,
fingers clasping at unreachable sky.
Rocks are patient
and do not understand glory.
--a dramatic re-write, I know, but I like slash and burn edits. This way, there's always something new about which to think. |
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