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quiet
just stand there
please
so I can look at you
one more time
silence
I cannot forgive you
peace
without you here
poisoning
my sad existence
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I like the poem beginning with the imperative on its own line. That's a good idea. "silence is golden" is a cliche -- which is ok if you somehow use that to your advantage, but I can't see it here. You've already given us that information with the first five lines.
I like "peace" it seems to resonate with "quiet" from the first stanza. Would you consider moving "I cannot forgive you" up into it's own stanza so that the resonance is stronger?
I think the poem as a whole has a nice economy.
I really like the ideas swirling around here. I have gone through and changed it around. Thanks to all of you for the amazing input. It feels so much more wonderful to me and blows my mind how the concept was there to begin with... it just needed a little poking.
