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Lonely Girl
My heart aches as it breaks.
Silently I cry and my body shakes.
Tears fall down my cheeks.
Why do I feel so weak?
My mind needs to put on the breaks.
For I know what is at stake.
There are people that love me.
This I can see.
But alone is how I feel.
Can this be real?
Sanity is slipping away.
My life is in such disarray.
I am a lonely girl.
Love for my daughter will help me go on.
I know one day I won't feel so withdrawn.
My faith will keep me strong.
To the lonliensss I will say so long.
The sun is going to shine.
Then I will be fine.
Maybe then I will not be a lonely girl.
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Comment by: Vanessa - 2008-04-24 17:23
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| Hi Jennifer, I would just like to say that I love this poem, which really struck a chord with me. I don't always feel lonely of course, but when I do, your poem evokes what I feel at that moment. Loneliness can be transitory but for some people it's always there. I didn't find it "depressing" at all. It's just honest, straightforward, and nicely captured. And thanks for adding me to the reader's list. I appreciate it! I'm glad I was introduced to your writing and look forward to reading more of it. (PS I like the format of it) |
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Comment by: MsWizard Online- 2008-04-20 08:35
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| Jenn, I rarely comment on the technicalities of a piece simply because they don't matter to me. What matters is the CONTENT, the meaning and the emotions behind the piece. This is a bittersweet write about something we all suffer through in our lifetimes....let me reassure you that loneliness is transitory...it doesn't linger forever...... |
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| I liked what you were writing about but you have a lot of typos that make it hard to read the way it should be read. Other than that the piece didn't seem to have anything that could make it stand out and tickle a soft spot you know? Although poetry can sound good with ryhmes it doesn't have to rhyme!!! a lot of writers think it does, but often the best pieces don't rhyme at all. Keep that in mind. |
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| Rich work, for me, but the punctuations are irregular at some points, I think. And some lines are better off if broken in two. Look at line 2 stanza 2. I guess you meant Won't when you wrote want. |
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