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Hushaby Bay
Serenade me with whispers of fantasies.
Show me the way to Hushaby Bay.
Let me laugh, let me cry.
I promise you, I'll not away with myself and die.
In the morning your face appears.
In the evening your face appears.
All I can think about is us, us, us.
I'm clueless as to what we are.
Different, so different, another chink in the chain.
Different, so different, another mutated strain.
Different, so different, is it worth all the pain?
Different, so different, is there any one the same?
Different, so different, who are I to blame?
Many changes occur.
Many faces begin to blur.
Your view on the world changes, as your mind re-arranges all the hopes and dreams you used to have.
Don't worry, I'm in your boat too. Stranded away looking for Hushaby Bay.
Serenade me with whispers of fantasies.
Show me the way to Hushaby Bay.
Let me laugh, let me cry.
I promise you, I'll not away with myself and die.
Life gets harder every day and now I come to you and say I love you, I love you in every way!
Like a sister, no more mister today.
Feel for me and we will see what this world holds for us: The new and our family: the old.
A brush with death can change a person but I'm still the same here for you.
And no one to blame but you. There's nothing I can change, not you.
There's no one I want to be with but you.
Serenade me with whispers of fantasies.
Show me the way to Hushaby Bay.
Let me laugh, let me cry.
I promise you, I'll not away with myself and die.
We have a life to live. And it's my turn to give to you my faith.
Sealed with a kiss.
(C)
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, NO COPIES OF THIS TEXT MAY BE MADE WITHOUT AUTHOR'S WRITTEN CONSENT
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| I enjoyed this alot, the rhyme scheme was interesting, i really liked the image i got of Hushaby Bay, though it sounds very, very, familiar, though i have no idea how. Keep it up :) |
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wow
i love it.
i am sorry i don't have some knowledge to give you some tips or anything. but this is good. i like the images and rhyme and rhythm =) |
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Comment by: AJSmith - 2008-04-20 07:49
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This was musical, with good lyrics. Some of the rhymes felt a bit forced or cliched, (sister and mister stood out as slightly childish), but with more experience you have excellent potential. Another possible change could be to lose 'with' "I promise you, I'll not away with myself and die."
Also, Hushaby Bay conjures up the image of a childrens nursery rhyme you might sing to them in bed. This gives the poem/song a dual aspect of death and innocence which gives it more depth and eeriness. |
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the rhythm and rhyme in this is interesting and compelling and works.
The images work too, mostly.
The only problem that I see in it is that it is a tad cliche, and that could be fixed by just removing some of the lines that are more outright. |
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| I like this... it has a song quality and could easily be altered to fit the right musical arrangement. There's just one correction that stands out to be made, "who are (am) I to blame?"... oh and one 'r' in blur. :) |
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