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Needz2Escape
Keifer Dykes
United States, Tx, Roanoke

Words: 577
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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(Monologue) This is Goodbye

I've tried to live my life normally like any other girl, but things get hard in a material world. Things I used to care about are laughed at, things that meant something to me once upon a time are dead. And no matter what I do the voice in my head don't love me or help me instead they hate me. No one cares if I fall or die just as long as they get their piece of the pie. Life is hard, life is rough and if you bitch you'll get stuffed. Years pass and your on your ass with no one to love you, no one to help you and no where to go. Take one step to the ledge and let go. It is okay to give up. Each problem with its own solution. YOU CHANGE! YOU CHANGE! YOU CHANGE! Why me? I'm told to try to act like this, try to not say things like that. Because some how every other word I say makes me a verbal criminal in my own house. What the heck is this all about? It's as if everyone else that helps cause my problem is already too far gone to change, and now things get strange and it's me with the same problem again. No where to go, no one I know can help me through a situation like this. I just want to give up alone like I always am in perceptive anguish. Look at the kids of our generation, these gifted kids messed up on pills for erections. Even they have hearts and even they have feelings and the day you say or sound like you don't care, they'll know and disappear. Don't look at me as if I'm simply an attention whore because saying that insults the core of a beast so great when the days get late he arises and avenges those who have been hurt and makes it easier for them to leave and never come back. He has my back. His name is Suicide and his is a beast with nothing to hide...It takes a lot to convince some one to give themselves back to the world. It's not a spare of the moment decision. Remember that when you find my incisions. You're the one who told me I was a bitch and a piece of crap but I'll bet you never told any one else that. Everyone in the world has one thing they love more than them selves. For me it was helping others. I sacrificed to help anyone who needed it and now I'm eating it. All the bullshit, I'm sick of it. No recognition for this condition except for hormones. Hormones can have some devastating effects on a person but every one human being is different. The next time life throws you a fast one stop and think don't blink. Keep your eye on the ball and concentrate before you fall. This is goodbye, maybe not forever. I you're reading this I am successfully out of your life for good and I hope this one thing is understood.
I lived, I died, I loved, I tried. But... Some people weren't mean't for some things...this is the end, or so it seems.
(C)
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, NO COPIES MAY BE MADE WITH OUT WRITTEN CONSENT FROM AUTHOR

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Comments  
Wildefriend Comment by: Wildefriend - 2008-05-10 06:58
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Hi Keifer,

I read your monologue and think it has a lot of possibilities, but I feel that you need to re-think a few things and maybe go back to it again.

Basically, it's about someone who is dissatisfied and needs to vent. The biggest difficulty with your style as it is presently, is that it needs more color and substance in it. Now I don't mean color literally.

There needs to be more description that illustrates the pain and frustration the narrator feels. Let me ask you this. Without looking back, how many descriptive adjectives did you use in the entire piece? Do you know?
You used nine (9). Not a lot.

For example when you say "Things I used to care about are laughed at, things that meant something to me once upon a time are dead," tell us perhaps the thing that you cared about that someone laughed at. It needs to be something potent so that it grabs the reader and they say "I would really be pissed off too if someone laughed at that." Then talk about something which is really important to you, which is now dead to you. Make it something that causes the reader to feel your sense of loss.

You do many things to scratch the surface of your feelings, but we don't feel or smell the blood.

Good luck!
FC
AJSmith Comment by: AJSmith - 2008-04-20 07:29
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This was a realistic portrayal of the emotional state of someone struggling with their sense of self and other people. I was wondering slightly who it was for, who the 'you' was going to be.

This only works in the right context though, so it would depend on where you were going to use it.
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