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| i'm not particularly sure what your poem is about, however your opening and ending stanzas show total signs of promise when it comes to your writting ability. |
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Comment by: Valerie - 2006-03-12 07:45
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The poem is lovely. I particularly like "while I wait for the sea to take my breath away"
I agree with khs with regard to forwards, it should be forward,
however, I do disagree with changing holds to hold. The subject of the line "bland love" agrees with the verb "holds".
Keep up the great writing. |
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| I like the way that the alliteration of "forever forwards" suggest lack of control and the way "back steps are for the dead" with its monosyllabic words suggest the opposite -- ties in nicely with what I percieved to be the themes of if you want to live you have to be able to let go the reins, because those who are reined are dead. Cool. |
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Comment by: - 2006-03-05 05:59
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I have read this several times, and each time I like it more. If you hadn't confessed that this is the result of a subconscious flow of words, I would have assumed it was carefully constructed with a specific intention. It ends with so much hope and optimism. The only thing that I stumbled over is the choice of "forwards" over "forward" [first line] and the choice of "holds" over "hold" [last line] both in the first stanza. Beautiful work.
~Kathy |
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Comment by: nesca - 2006-03-01 23:01
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| have to agree wtih everyone here, this seems like it was coming straight from the unconscious, which is the best writing anyway, very solid work, like your writing a lot...take it easy... |
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