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Self Deception
Why do you tell me
Not to love you so?
It seems
My love is a burden that weighs
Down on your shoulders,
But I believe
What seems,
Is not what is.
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Lot of contradictions in the poem. And, actually this contradiction makes this short poem so nice to read and feel. First there is burdensome love, soon followed in your writing by a statement which kinda completely changes the course of your poem. Maybe, a few more lines in the end would have helped in improving thw writing
Nice work! :) |
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Comment by: Dante - 2008-04-27 21:17
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| You get right to it in this poem. Sounds like a conversation with yourself. I loved the entire piece, but the last three lines were my favorite. Thanks for sharing, D. |
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| Short, to the point, beautiful I'd say... I agree with milner this does give the reader alot of space... You leave the reader wondering at the end Madam... It feels quite nice to read this.... Well done O' one who teaches me.... |
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Very much to the point, Rabab. I like its simplicity (of something very complex) and the way you trust the reader go beyond your words. So many make the mistake of being too explicit, and leave the reader no space at all, which I consider condescending. Bere, brevity is a great virtue. As has been so often said: 'always leave the audience wanting more'.
Milner |
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Comment by: menoh - 2008-04-19 23:52
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| hmmmm...very interesting...short but nicely developed, the end makes the reader yearn to know more....intriguing.... |
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