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foxportions549
Park Alice
United States, KY, Louisville

Words: 358
Access: Public
Comments: 7

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XHeart Prologue: Broken Bride

So, you wish to make amends….?

The man, of crow-clawed cheeks and smoking ash whiskers, asked.

A monster of black ebony feathers and dark, crowned hair, crept from the light, stumbling from the burning church entrance stood, straightened, only to fall as his torn arms cringed from the weight of the body. With starving eyes, he looked up at the dark man whom stood steps away from him, wishing to see past the blur of the petit, coated gentleman.

There was no sight, but, turning his head slowing top eye past the metal cross and silver chains that clutched to his back, his eyes widened.

The fires licked the floors, eating the walls and consuming the flesh-stained glass. Embers, devouring, pulled the steeple down, letting stone columns collapse to the ground as if the only remains of the church was its ghost. The chemical stench bit at the air, giving the ash and dirt a white purity as it floated and feathered like that of new-fallen snow.

It was one of the only sights that kept his eyes horrorstruck, and yet the stinging heat screamed through the deaf air, whipping his eyes shut and winding him to the point of looking away into a blackened night darker than this.

When he awakened, the only sight he could imagine was what he held in his arms. And whatever built up in his throat, choked him, as he held up her head to his battered, stained cheek. It was his instinct to let both of what warmth they had pass through each other, most, of what given to his shock, was his own. She made no notion of his love, only twisted her neck to the side as she slept with pale-mooned skin, her open eyes listless, empty like the cold winter days that hung through town.

As footsteps approached closer, the monster haled his breath, panting.

Is there…any way to save her….?

The old, grim man, shadowed and gray, lifted a bony leather finger under the chin of the creature.

No, my son….

He smiled, parting his lips, as watched the monster’s eyes dim.

She’s dead….

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Comments  
foxportions549 Comment by: foxportions549 - 2008-05-23 13:23
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Thank you so much everyone for the wonderful comments! :D
DemonSlayerKali Comment by: DemonSlayerKali - 2008-05-19 19:23
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Holy crap, the imagery! It's all so very morbid... I love it!! It needs a lot of basic editing, and it seems to go by in a blur. Other than that, this made my imagination go wild!
anomalyemily Comment by: anomalyemily - 2008-05-18 18:23
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I want to read more.
:)
DrCarter2001 Comment by: DrCarter2001 - 2008-05-09 20:04
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Interesting start and lots of nice imagery especially in the fourth paragraph, but definitely needs a lot of editing. I'm not sure what a cheeked man is or whether krept means crept. Take a look and I think you'll see it's not clear who's who from the way it's written right now and if you have to, read it out loud so you can find the errors. But has a lot of potential.
Syl Comment by: Syl - 2008-04-23 18:35
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Awesome start..I agree on making it a little longer possibly open it up a little more..Does that make sense?..I also liked how you eneded it, very nicely done..Keep a look out for this one..
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