. . . Mmmm
A reason?
Do I need one?
Is it important?
What would it change?
The smiles that hid the pain?
The hurt, the tears shed?
The words, that won’t be silent?
Go back, begin anew?
Clear the pictures sealed in our heads?
Retrace our steps, the paths we’ve tread?
Forget the rain that soaked us wet?
The fire that raged till dawn?
What would a reason furnish?
A fortress to hide within?
A moment of absolution?
I give you NONE.
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I think you touch a nerve with this piece. And although it may be refering to a personal chapter in life, it probably would be a little more refreshing if people took on the attitude in "Mmmm" when they came up with their own "reasons" because most of the "reasons" are a 'load' anyways.
Structurally, I like the way you went in and out of rhyme.
Cheers,
Willy |
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| . . . Mmmm |
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Hmmm, I'm going to be a bit of a contrarian here, and say that I wasn't entirely impressed with the ending. It's strong yes, but in a slightly cheap way. The capitalization seemed especially overdone. As a poem, with that ending, you stop giving room to think. A lot of poetry, I think sometimes, is that ability to allow the reader to wonder, to ponder, and that snapping shut of a ending eliminated that possibility.
I do like the longer lines, and I think you handled the questions well; it's not one of my favorite formats, but you took a delicate touch--until, of course, the end. A couple of them do feel a little unnecessary and could easily be excised.
A reason?
Do I need one?
What would it change?
The smiles that hid the pain?
The words that won’t be silent?
Would we begin anew?
Clear the pictures sealed in our heads?
Retrace our steps?
Forget the rain that soaked us?
The fire that raged till dawn?
What would a reason furnish?
A moment of absolution?
Why do you deserve one?
These are just some ideas. I'm sort of a bare bones person, when it comes to poetry, so take this as you will.
I like the title, by the way. Very intriguing. |
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Comment by: MsWizard Online- 2008-04-22 20:28
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"A moment of absolution?
I give you NONE."
Flawless ending. |
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| Arley, "spotted nary a typo one"???? You went Texas on me and I don't have the dictionary._. |
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