Where did it go?

That desire;
that ache!
To “make something of myself”
is gone.

Once I knew
or I thought I knew…
how my life was going to be:
I would learn
I would study
I would make the grades
and get my degree.

And somehow that would make me
happy.

Some way that little piece of paper,
that piece of kindling,
would line the trail to my red horizon
where I could be content.

But no more.

Now I want to drive into that horizon
and burn hotter than the setting sun!

I want to run on that highway
till the asphalt crumbles beneath my feet!

I want that road,
that infinite black wound across the earth,
to meld into the night sky
so I can dance among the stars!

I want to breathe in that starry infinite,
ingest that cosmic fire!
and carry it back to earth.

I want to give back to this world
all that it has given me.

I want to reclaim
all that it has taken.

And when I am done—
when my fire has finally burnt to embers—
I will be able to shout to the heavens,
shout to the very throne of God!
that I didn’t just exist...
I didn’t just take up space
in space…

I defied the world.
I loved the world.
I changed the world.

I lived.

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