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Warning Sign (Wee Challenge 33)
He coughs loudly as he rolls over on the bed. Surely he will die. He looks at the clipboard on the wall. It is almost covered in red writing, all marking similar diseases that several others have caught.
He did not listen to the warnings. He wanted the fame.
He looks at the newspaper. It reads: “NEW PHAROH’S TOMB DISCOVERED”.
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| Ryon, the ladies want blood a gore. Perhaps he should cough up a lung, or something really gruesome, like a spider egg sack. At any rate, I liked it. |
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Comment by: Nora Online- 2008-04-28 19:22
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| I'm going to side with the ladies who are hoping for a more descriptive death-rattle, and with all the comments that this is a great piece of flash. |
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Comment by: troyarn - 2008-04-27 07:29
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This is excellent! I have to say I enjoyed it and thought the ending was great. Although the cough may not show as much as others hoped ( it is a 60 word limit ), I think the last line definitely tells what is going on.
Great piece. I think I will share this with friends! |
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-04-25 13:26
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Very good, Ryon. I'd agree with previous reviewers about making that cough a little more extreme than loud, but it's still good.
Thanks for the read.
Cheers
karen |
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| Excellent piece. I just love how these flash fiction challenges leaves the readers imagination spinning and filling in the rest. Great submission,thank you for sharing. |
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