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Final curtain
This is the final curtain
This is were I pull out my gun
Consistency, clarity
No longer uncertainty
This path was meant for me
The road leads to an end
Pressure, anxiety
Darkness surrounding me
The descent of a soul
Facing my utmost goal
It will bring peace
A mind at ease
Deceased, terminated
Rid myself of hatred
Illuminate my afterlife
Free, Free, Free
Lift my spirit
So I can be free
Tempest come over me
All earthly bonds break
Life was mine to take
Cowardly, some may say
I took my life away
But guts is all I have
And guts is what I use
Severance brings truce.
Now covered in dirt
Loved ones feeling hurt
Merely left with a personal note
Eligible as a gravestone's quote
Here and gone
Much too young
Grown lonely
No one did see -
me.
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Comment by: Somnius - 2008-04-25 08:25
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| Whoa, that was different. Naturally I'd dislike poems on such subjects but you pulled it off very well. I liked the more complex phrases--That was my favorite part, and it worked through the simple parts. Your style's somewhat rising in it, but it seems suppressed? |
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I think the rhymes work OK, Nicole, and mostly I didn't find them intrusive. 'soul' and 'goal' stopped me for an instant, but that is probably because I lead a sort of crusade against 'soul' as being the greatest poetic cliche. Well written and strong, as is necessary with such a theme if it's to be convincing.
milner |
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| Thanks John. Yup, we discussed it before. Sometimes I rhyme cuz it feels right to me, sometimes I don't. With this, it felt easier to rhyme. But thanks for your comments. Always appreciated! |
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| I have reason in my life to have pondered suicides a lot. This poem, in the form of a suicide note, doesn't read much like one, thank God, to me. The writer isn't driven by anything; alternatively it doesn't fizz. In my opinion, the narrator is very much alive and kicking. Danahfaren, I've said it before, I think you poems would be better if you didn't rhyme. I think it makes them lose impact. I might all sound negative, but believe me, this is a good poem, one of your best. It has a lot more to capture the reader. Well done. |
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| Powerful poem, well written on a difficult, controversial subject. I've sometimes felt the same but unable to express with such power. Vaguely calls to mind one of mine called "Darkness Comes" |
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