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Departure (Wee Challenge)
Departure 04.24.08 #1
As the rocket fuel burns it makes the ship less massive, creating an inverse relationship of substance and what remains to push it. Turbulence tosses John though straps and acceleration have him pinned.
“Just a second more, and you can catch your breath,” they say straight into his head.
Breaking the sky, the pure glassed starlight steals it away again.
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Comment by: karjon Online- 2008-04-29 13:32
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An astronaut's tale, yes? Mostly well done, just a couple of nits:
Turbulence tosses John though straps and acceleration have him pinned. - I think you need a comma after 'John'.
'Breaking the sky, the pure glassed starlight steals it away again.' - I'm probably just being a bit dim, but what does the 'it' refer to there? Is it the sky?
Thanks for the read.
Cheers
Karen |
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A neat snippet from history.. John Glenn, Apollo?
In your first sentence, is the last 'it' ambiguous??
IMO the line 'they say straight into his head' is waht sets it into the sci fi realm.
-C |
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Comment by: 12R - 2008-04-24 19:42
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| Excellent suggestion VC. I hope you like the change. |
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| quick rumbling feelings shot through me when reading, enjoyed it :) |
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| Good work, Thomas. Looking in my crystal globe, I see NASA in your future. (Smiling) Thanks for sharing.j |
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