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I saw God
in your eyes.
Felt His breath
on my neck.
Warm whispers down my spine—
now frozen.
Touched in sacred places;
my heart…
unholy, broken,
but it wasn’t,
once.
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I think your poem stands as it is, not a comma out of place. The impact is the same. As for pic, its another Mark Keller painting. If I could write like he has painted I would retire and never have to write another word. Carry on painting with words Mitch.
We all have hearts that were whole in the beginning. Sad that we all find broken pieces as we journey through life. This is well done. Thanks for sharing. I wonder if a comma before the But instead of a full-stop would make the two thoughts more connected? Just an idea. I still resist starting sentences with conjunctions. But it do it sometimes for emphasis. (Grin).
