Impressions on Claude and Dorothy
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Poetry >> Impressions on Claude and Dorothy
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Impressions on Claude and Dorothy
Splashed among reeds and florid poppies
A dog and girl dream
A mother and child wade by
And is that a second blurry pair cresting the hill
The dog wonders
Does he need glasses
The man who thought of all this
He was not short-sighted
In a strange way
He could be responsible
For the girl and her dog sprawled in this field
But the shedding Scarecrow
And the axe of the Tin Man
He had nothing to do with those
The pusillanimous Lion nothing at all
Monet's Poppies:
www.mcs.csuhayward.edu/~malek/Garden/Claude7.html
WOZ Poppies:
http://www.studio-international.co.uk/studio-images/oz/poppies_b.asp
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| I've added a link to a picture from WOZ that may help. Unfortunately, I couldn't really find a good one from the actual film where the characters are lying in the broad field. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-04-29 06:01
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There's a lot of good comments on this suggesting some sound improvements. Love the picture - I like ekphrasis poems. Unusual that you've entered one - it will be a category at some stage - nice :)
I do have to agree that this one would work better WITH punctuation. But if you really want to leave it without, I would suggest perhaps cutting the lines differently and maybe adding some stanza breaks. I was trying to see a pattern in the way you have placed the lines, to see if it was deliberate, but I couldn't find anything.
For me, also, it is a rather ambiguous poem - sure I get it but I'm not sure if I really GET it. The relationship between the monet and the wizard of Oz (never been much a fan of Oz, so maybe there really is something I'm missing).
Though one thing the ambiguity does achieve is an echo of the impressionist style of the painting, so maybe that's what you were aiming for in the first place!
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| Thanks for the feedback all. Janet, I think I see what you mean with the pronouns, the ambiguity I created with the line to sentence assignment results in more "He"s than would be necessary otherwise. There would be greater economy if I could drop some. Let me see what I can do about that... |
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| Nice work. THe only thing that troubled me was using pronouns immediately after the nouns. Seems redundant. Thanks for sharing. J |
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| Very lovely. :) I enjoyed the read, and reread..etc. Check mine out if you have time. |
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