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better off on the shore
I put one foot in and almost froze to death;
it quickly chilled my body and stole my breath.
I had all intention of taking it slow, but
when I put my other foot in, I was swept
away by the undertow.
A lifetime I drown, gargling water; thrown in and out,
up and down, there are plenty fish in the sea,
so I was told to swim around.
I tried to swim once, but no one ever showed me how.
I searched for fish once, but sharks are all I found.
I don't want to swim the ocean or search the sea;
learning to swim is not the thing for me.
I remember when I almost died, searching around
everwhere, trying to fight the riptide.
My arms so quickly become tired, I don't want to swim anymore; with nothing but pain acquired, I think I'm better off on the shore.
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Comment by: Kitti - 2006-03-11 18:19
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One would think that the oddly long line in the final stanza would disrupt the flow, but instead, it completes the overall tone of the piece-- read aloud, one almost has to gasp for breath at the end of the line.
Truly a lovely piece, overwhelming on a sensory level. Shelving this... |
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Comment by: sonia - 2006-03-06 21:55
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| fantastic read, flows beautifully |
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Comment by: - 2006-03-04 04:53
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| very well written i am adding this one to my book shelf |
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Comment by: - 2006-03-03 10:57
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| I enjoyed this. It felt quite brutal like a defiant howling. Primal, may be a better way of putting it actually. Again the tempo works very well, its also very conscice and leaves people in no doubt as to what you are saying. I like the line about 'your arms quickly becoming tired' |
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Comment by: mickeyp - 2006-02-27 07:35
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| This poem rests easily, unfrightened, in its symbolism. I think the erratic rhyme works very well. Nice statement. |
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