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Clouds
The wisps of sunlight streak over you,
And my breath catches in my throat.
I never realized that heaven must be
An eternity of sunsets,
On once puffy white clouds.
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| wow... they are right... GREAT descriptions... very emotional... the best part is it is soooo short... Its a thousand feelings in a couple lines... I love the way you have taken it and related it to something... it also has a very dream-like quality to it... |
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| You have a real knack for capturing emotions. But beyond that, you provoke though. You often refer to someone in your poems without providing many clues as to who they are. In some, I've been able to guess how the individual might be related to you, but in this one, I have no idea who "you" is. Perhaps that is because I'm half asleep. Either way, I love it. It keeps it generic enough that I can place my own relations into the poem. |
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Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-04-26 06:03
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| Good metaphor! Rich emotion! Wonderful poem! |
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Comment by: menoh - 2008-04-25 22:14
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| i hope so too, the heaven is an eternity of sunsets...lovely description, you have a great talent for capturing and immortalizing moments. |
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