 |
 |
 |
| |
On Waking Up Before Dawn
I wish that I will never return
to that place where night wraps tight
her sheets and tucks me in beneath
a star bright canopy nor watch the milky way
spill across the sky then disappear
when I close my eyes.
What's there beneath the horizon
and beyond? My Love, whisper now
and promise me there is more,
more than darkness over the edge,
more than the centre of the night,
more than cold, dark sleep.
I fear the loneliness that lies close
on the other side. I have been and back
and knew only dreamless rest;
there is no comfort in this. Wake me
into your morning, so that I may see
the day and know the warmth of you.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
Hi Carrie :)
I wish I could write like this, it is tender and filled with beauty without being mushy and overly sentimental. I like the way you tie longing in with the rise and fall of day.
The lines I liked best were are these--
Wake me
into your morning, so that I may see
the day and know the warmth of you.
lovely work sweet Lady
NJ |
 |
Comment by: Sophia - 2008-05-02 06:35
|
|
| Very beautiful, I also loved the repetition of 'more' and the coldness, distance of the imagery works very well to create the atmosphere. I liked the idea of the 'centre of the night'. The mention of stars really helps the sense of isolation, the idea of one person feeling small and vulnerable. |
|
|
| Oops, sorry Carrie. But now I know the circumstance, I think it's an even better poem. So few poems are from people's core problems (though attempting a poem can be a good way of accession one's core problems). This as an intensly moving poem. There are several dimensions, like good poems somethimes do, one of which is love and trust. Love poems are so rare, and this is a great one. |
|
|
| A lovely piece of writing--unforgettable sentiments. Wish I could write like that :-) |
 |
Comment by: umbrae - 2008-04-28 17:18
|
|
I think the first strophe is fine the way it is, Carrie, without the commas.
Maybe you could also discard the commas in the second strophe, after the words:
-- more
-- edge
-- night? |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
