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mikepyro
Michael Carr
Online
United States, Texas, Prosper

Words: 331
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Riding on the Bus

I ride the city bus, which takes me back and forth to work each day. Just by riding it, I can tell that people don’t notice each other anymore. How can you? We’re so caught up in the fast track of looking good, being cool, and enhancing our sexual pleasure, that we fail to notice the simple things in the world around us.

The only people you notice on the bus are the guys talking to themselves or the women with the babies who won’t shut up. Even then, you become so used to it that you faze it out completely. It’s hard sometimes, not to notice others. Like when a stranger breaks down crying, it’s harder to get up and walk to the other side of the bus. Or when you walk down the street and you see a homeless man with an infant, it’s even harder to tell him to get off his lazy ass and get a job.

I ride the bus, where people meet new people, learn about those people, and forget they ever met them as soon as they step off the bus. Sometimes you meet someone you can relate to, someone that shares your interests. I met a woman like that, so I married her. And I proposed on the bus. Ha!

Someday I hope to drive the bus, see the sights, the new faces, and meet the people who ignore me now. Because when you drive the bus, they all talk to you. If only once.

I see people pray on the way to work. Some pray for their family, others for money, some for good grades, but mostly just for miracles. People pray for miracles, yet they never seem to realize that every breath we take, every heart we give, every life we touch, is the miracle that the whole world is waiting for. I have come to learn that. It’s why I ride the bus.

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Comments  
pitbull Comment by: pitbull - 2008-05-11 16:53
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yeah writing about everyday things such as riding a bus can be very interesting. Observing others can sometimes reveal a lot about ourselves
nice story even though I hate the bus
heidiheimler Comment by: heidiheimler - 2008-04-27 18:25
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Wonderful observations and a very effective way of pointing out that sometimes ordinary, mundane things are really very interesting. I enjoyed this piece.
mattarnold Comment by: mattarnold - 2008-04-27 13:29
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nice short essay. It is well bracketed w/ the first and last lines: "I ride the city bus" / "It’s why I ride the bus." Strong sense of observation in the story. I liked that. Anyone who at anytime has ridden public transit should relate to that.

good imagery of the scenes seen on a bus, but "homeless man with an infant" seemed very odd to me. "it’s even harder to tell him to get off his lazy ass and get a job" would pair up w/ "homeless man"; the "with an infant" seems out of place.
YolandaRenee Comment by: YolandaRenee - 2008-04-27 13:12
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"People pray for miracles, yet they never seem to realize that every breath we take, every heart we give, every life we touch, is the miracle that the whole world is waiting for." That alone made the piece! Sinister and deep!
easywriter58 Comment by: easywriter58 Online- 2008-04-27 12:46
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Al Yankovick wrote "Another One Rides The Bus" (parady of "Another One Bites The Dust")-good story about people in general. I figure the subway in big cities is much the same.

a few things I would change but use your own opinion:

"don’t notice each other anymore. How can you? We’re so caught " (needs to be: How can they? They're so caught....they...")Keep the same pronoun case.

"The only people you notice (should be "one notices")

Be consistant throughout the story.

I see people pray (One might notice people praying...)

You need to take out some of the "pray" or "praying" words and substitute them for "Ask" or "wish"-

I ride the bus, where people meet new people, learn (better if you put: If I ride the bus...,they learn)

every heart we give (or everytime someone gives their heart away or every time a life is touched by someone...)

I have come to learn that. It's why I ride the bus. (I think you could combine these two sentences)
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