 |
 |
 |
| |
Daisies and the Difference between Men and Women
“…she’ll fuck me, she’ll fuck me not…” He grinned at the lone white petal and stared at it for a while. On his back, gripping the fortune teller, high from the fortuitous news, he stared up thanking God for daisies. Armed with foresight, he looked forward to their date that evening—these plain flowers never lied in seventeen out of his twenty-one years. When he was a boy it was, “…she’ll kiss me, she’ll kiss me not…”
Sure enough they made love at her place after dinner. Afterwards he fished the wilted plucked flower out of his coat pocket and jumped back in bed. “This told me it’d happen for us…”
She took it from him and inspected it as if it held the answer to an elusive question. With a warm smile, she said, “How sweet, you saved it. And it said I love you?”
He nibbled her ears, ready to go at it again. “Something like that.”
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
|
|
hi Cali.. i love your unmitigated, confident delivery man.
this is a wicked little thing.
Sure enough they made love at her place after dinner.
is that first bit internal dialog on purpose? or did you just slip into a conversational tell sentence? cuz the narrator cant just say stuff like that. if its internal dialog, its pretty slick.
She took it from him and inspected it (as if it held the answer to an elusive question)
//same deal here.. the narrator cant make judgments like that. are we inside his head again?
super cool story..
( /)
( . . )
c(")(")
T |
 |
Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-04-30 16:41
|
|
| wise. I wish young people could read this so they could wise up or at least understand what they are doing. |
|
|
"Something like that." This cracked me up. The funny thing about shorts THIS short is they're so damned hard making a story out of them. You did it and packed the ending with a punch. "Something like that" was the perfect ending.
I'd be proud to write "something like this." lol! Seriously. Why? Because, like I said, nailing a story into such a short framework of words with a satisfying conclusion is an elussive gift most writers can't quite grasp, IMHO. You did it. |
 |
Comment by: helao - 2008-04-29 22:05
|
|
| Thanks, Mike and lilgoldenray and sam, again. I've revised it and will post it up soon. I think it's just lame, to tell the truth, I dunno why. I tried to be funny but it's not working w/ this piece, to me. |
|
|
| oh yea... I really enjoyed this... I loved the last line... men are so coy lol this really is a perfect example of the difference between men and women lol my friend always does me that... everytime I ask him if he said something he always replies "yea... something like that" lol |
| 1 2 Next |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
