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A lessin tort
What I do in the holidays by mynamlez
I red comiks and cleaned mi room and went to church and watched telavision. Spent weekind insid for being nortee. I also saw some freinds and went to the move-ees
{note from Teacher - Good effort, watch grammar, handwriting and spelling. See me}
(Second attempt)
What I did in the holidays by Mynamelez
I read comics and cleened my messy room and went to Church and watched telavision. Spent weekend inside for breaking varse. I saw some freinds and went to the movies and saw ratertooee
{note from Teacher – some improvements made from last essay, watch grammar, hand writing and spelling. See me}
(Third Attempt)
What I did during the holidays. An Essay by Mynamelez
I spent most of the holidays reading comics and cleaning my room, where I spent most of the weekend, for breaking a new vase. During the break I also caught up with some friends, whom I went to the movies with and watched RATATOUILLE
{note from teacher. Neat hand writing. Good spelling. Sentence structure improved but content lacks interest. See me}
(Fourth attempt)
Holidays in the fields of Oblivion. An Essay by Mynamelez
I read lots of comics involving heaps of action. Went to church and prayed for my poor dog who is almost on death’s door. Devels attacked us half way throu the mass but lukaly the priest new kung foo and delt to them good and proper.
My room were in a horible mess with cloves and toys all ova the place. I had to battel the huge spiders and killer dogs and fight off dragons to get the job dun. At one stage they got the best of me and I staggid out and tripped over the table and broke a vase. Mummy exploded with anger, tearing great chunks of here out of her hed. She grouled at me for ours and ours and locked me in mi room without eny food or water.
Finding some dinamite I blu a hole in the wall and eskaped. My freinds found me and we all flew out off the country to a sekret iland where I saw Ratatouille in an underground cayve.
{note from Teacher - Poor grammar, hand writing and spelling. See me}
(Final attempt)
Learning my lesson by Mynamlez
I will not scru up my esay and throw it at the teecher
I will not scru up my esay and throw it at the teecher
I will not scru up my esay and throw it at the teecher
I will not scru up my esay and throw it at the teecher…
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It's cute but butchering the written language for effect often gets negative responses from editors. Even then, it's hard to believe that someone whose spelling is that bad would be able to write so well on the third attempt and then regress completely by the fourth.
Aside from that, the only thing I would say is take out the "see me". If he was seeing the teacher each time one would think that he or she would be going over in detail what to fix instead of letting him flounder so much. Otherwise feel free to ignore my other comments since it's obviously still fun to read. |
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Comment by: mynamelez Online- 2008-04-29 04:05
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Thanks to everyone who has commented on this peice so far. I'm most gratified and a little taken back by the possitive responses this has generated. Not really one of my better works but it seems to get the point across. It was fairly easy to write, but took a bit of editing and re-editing to capture the type of spelling mistakes a youngster may produce.
I never really liked writing essays when I was at school and never seemed to master the art of clear handwriting...really wish I had had access to a computer or at least a type writter at the time. |
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| I enjoyed this. it's different, perhaps risky, but it works. |
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Me likes this. It had a charms und maid me thinks of me nine yers owld doter
-C |
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Comment by: Jorbian Online- 2008-04-28 22:11
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| I can just say that it was interesting. Very non-traditional form, and not many people can pull that off. I respect people who can pull off such a form as well as you seem to be able to. |
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