The place for writers: Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world. Learn how other writers are doing it.
Luci and Fernando approached the gate,
hands clasped tightly.
ARRETE C'EST ICI L'EMPIRE DE LA
MORT
“Don't mind that, it's meant to scare
off the mortals,” said Luci, her face dimly lit, eyes glowing.
“Oh, that's what it's for,” said
Fernando with a slight quiver in his voice.
They walked carefully to avoid
crunching any bones that lay strewn about.
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction? Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Great writing. I love the mystery of the French title, (for those of us who don't read a lick of French.)
the first line could convey a little more of their apprehension somehow..but thats jmo.
I enjoyed it.
-The ellipsis are uneeded for your sign.
-I know you have the word dimly, but having 'lit but beaming' is still technically redundant.
-Remove tightly and add a period, and fix some of your punctuation like rupertdepaula said.
+I love your actual first line of dialogue. It surprised me which is always an exciting read when a piece is so short.
+Good character names. Orignal, and they fit right in for some reason.
