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Departures
“I'm going in... goodbye all!”
announced Timmi to his two cats, small budgie, and wife who was
laying on the couch.
The only response he got was a
semi-comatose grunt from the dozing humanoid hunk of woman flesh.
Timmi sat down and adjusted his worn
green office chair. He opened his laptop, and said a small prayer,
crossing himself.
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-05-01 12:11
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Oooh - this is like me on Facebook, my family barely recognise me now.
Good stuuf, Corey - but I agree with Ada on the 'small budgie' - small is definitely unnecessary where budgies are concerned.
It is only 59 words (yes, I'm sad enough to have counted) so I'm guessing your editor counts hyphenated words as two words.
Minor nits, though - it is a good Wee Story.
Cheers
Karen |
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| Thanks everyone for commenting.. Freda, too funny! Yes, that is where the inspiration came from. |
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That dozing humanoid hunk of woman flesh has probably just cooked Timmi's dinner, washed up, cleaned budgie sh*t off the living-room floor and washed a load of his crusty Y-fronts. Give the poor cow a minute to recharge, for goodness' sake! ;-)
And I think 'small' in 'small budgie' is a bit redundant. Have you ever met a really large one?
Thought this was great fun - a fresh, original take on the title. Thanks for the read XX |
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Comment by: fredav - 2008-04-28 11:01
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hehehe.. pictured timmi logging in to that program you were talking about before, 2nd Life was it? think you did a good job with the theme. it certainly is not your usual 'departure' story.
-F |
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Comment by: 12R - 2008-04-28 07:36
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-The piece needs to be 60 words EXACTLY, just in case you misread it as 'no more than.'
-2 should be 'two'.
-+-I'm personally against 'humanoid' but you could be using it to point out the wife is really only just shaped like a human, but barely is one.
I want to read it again when its up to word count. Very eccentric. |
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