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aceyorkmar
romar agbuya
Philippines

Words: 101
Access: Public
Comments: 2

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Colorblind

I'm seeing no reds,
Viewing no yellows and greens,
Only blues and blacks.

Red faded away,
When you left me up alone,
Crying and on pain.

I feel no yellow,
Flowing on my mind and soul,
Nothing but sorrows.

My green sways bid bye,
Leaving me with thorns and bruise,
I'm destroyed like trees.

Who gathered in me?
These blacks that filtered my light,
So that i won't see.

These blues you gave me,
That dunked me in the deep land,
Land of nothingness.

All of these happened,
When you took colors in me..
You... are my color.

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Comments  
fredav Comment by: fredav - 2008-05-21 11:04
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Hmm.. okay I like the overall theme of this piece but you need to look at your preposition usage and noun-number consistency. Those are what tripped me while reading your poem. This has the potential to be even better than it is now. JMO. Feel free to use or discard my suggestions.

-F
fiveradios Comment by: fiveradios - 2008-05-21 02:13
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Unique... very different.
1

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By aceyorkmar

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