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Night Road
With a tinny
voice and guitar,
The Smiths ache
from my car’s
stereo as I
trace the lonely,
muted
double yellow lines that travel
on the indifferent,
dispassionate,
black concrete highway
perpendicularly for infinity,
never
caressing.
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Comment by: lisaB - 2008-09-20 13:43
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| what if "The Smith's tinny voice and guitar/ache..."? i like your syntax here, and the last stanza is right on, but i think playing with the line breaks might prove beneficial. |
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Yes, it's very simple, and I am not sure if the imagery is fantastic, but I'd prefer it that way in this instance. =]
I really like this, it describes quite well what it's like driving for a long time. |
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| good work. great imagery and a much better flow. simple and unique but very effective. |
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