Dear friend,
Do you realize how difficult it is, to actually try to describe yourself when you have spent most of your life observing others and unraveling their secret? It takes a lot to know yourself completely, to trust yourself and have that confidence to consult only your own self to make the right choices in life. Most people tend to remain a mystery to themselves… To a certain extent, even I am. But I have tried to know- who I am, what I like, what I don’t, what makes me happy and what makes me want to lament for just being born. When you first meet me, you might not want to talk to me. A friend tells me that my body language says- “Dare to come up to me and you will get a tight slap”. Well, know that I don’t trust easily. I will probably smile if you want to be my friend. If you give me your hand, I might take it; but if you start prying before I actually know you, you might just find me walking away, possibly never to return. A person can have very few true friends, if they are lucky enough, that is. I think and hope that I fall into the category of the lucky ones. These few friends are ones that I can trust blindly and I trust that they won’t break my trust. They have always supported me during my troubled times, scolded me when I was unreasonable and laughed in my happiness. Sometimes, it strikes me that I have probably never helped them and been by their side as they have for me. But hey guys! I am always trying my best to return your love. To tell you frankly, I am not much of a family person. I usually keep to myself at home- writing, painting, reading, or listening to music. I feel guilty about the fact that mom and dad don’t mean as much to me as they probably should. But, my younger sister is the apple of my eye. She might be fussy, she might be loud, she might be oh-so-not-like-me. But she is my sister. She is eleven years younger than I am. So, I have got a motherly cum sisterly feeling for her. When I think about family, she is the only being who crops into my mind. I know, I will certainly do my level best to teach her about the bumpy ride on the journey called life.

When it comes to other relationships, guys, let me tell you- I am not very charming and I am not a flirt. But that doesn’t mean I am totally innocent. I have had a few relationships, none very serious though. Love is a sweet feeling really. It is actually supposed to make you feel good about yourself. It should bring out all your talents and best qualities; and if it makes you feel worthless, then take a break!! Its certainly not love. Love should not be made of awkward silences. Even if you two are not saying anything, you should feel as if you are speaking volumes. You should never feel awkward around that person; rather being by his/her side should make you feel as if you are in the safest haven in the world. Even if you fight, you should be able to say sorry, listen to each other and work it out. You should be able to make sacrifices and trust that the other person will do the same for you. Even if you see him/her at his/her worst, you should still feel that he is the most wonderful guy in the entire world. That special someone should be your best friend and your constant life support.
Right from the beginning, everyone is enlisted in a certain supernatural register. Then, God chops us down into halves and throws us down to the earth. Each half grows into a separate person. Until we find that other half of ours, we are all unfulfilled, incomplete. We just have to find our fulfilling parts; that’s all. Even I am convinced that the part which would make me complete is living somewhere, going on with his daily life, possibly unaware of my existence.

So, Mister, if you are out there somewhere, know that I am looking for you and I hope that I will find you someday. Just know that I may not recognize you right from the first day. I will take time. But ultimately, I will accept you for who you are. Know that I may tend to get a bit upset if you forget my Birthday or don’t even wish me on Valentine’s Day. Know that I tend to get pretty jealous at times, but it doesn’t mean I don’t trust you. That evil thing is just in my nature. I hardly get angry; but when I do, I could blow but I know you will be there to cool me down. Don’t think that the fact that I hate alcohol or cigarettes mean that I cant have fun. It just that having fun really doesn’t need all of that. I have mood swings a times but it doesn’t mean I am depressed. I am probably trying to understand myself again. Just hold my hand and I will be OK. If I am doing something wrong, please don’t shout at me and embarrass me in front of everyone. Just tell me softly and I will understand. I don’t let off my emotions easily. That’s why cryable things get piled on for days, and when I finally burst, I may cry on for hours. But please don’t freak out. Just hold me close and I will heal better. When I get too carried away at times and start building castles in the air, just tap me on the shoulder and bring me back down to earth. I need it. Know that how I dress up or behave basically depends upon my mood. One day, I may dress up in a salwar kameez and be the perfect girl and the very next day, I could don a pair of jeans and a boyish T-shirt and laugh at non-veg jokes. If I am suddenly mad at you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. It just means I am not feeling good about myself and getting insecure. So, please don’t shout back at me. If you are out there somewhere, just know that I will never knowingly break your heart and I will try my best to always keep you smiling.

Friends, I could be too demanding or unforgiving of your faults, if they are serious enough. These can create enemies for life. I hope you can understand that I have strong reasoning and willpower and can get r4oused to anger easily. But I also harbor immense sensitivity with deep emotions which I usually hide from plain view. I may sometimes come off as really easy-gong and unfocused on my goals, but if I set my heart on something, rest assured that I will achieve it by all means. I can be very stubborn and refuse to give up easily. I also try to be as much responsible for my own actions as possible. But, one of my major flaws is that I tend to forget things very easily t5hat leads to quite a few missed opportunities. Life is a game with innumerable rules. Each person takes up a few of these rules as their own. These rules are called principles and each being follows by their own set of principles. Even I do. Friends, I may not have the perfect personality, I may not be the most beautiful or the most intelligent. But, I do try to be caring; I do try to be friendly. Please take me as who I am not who I could be. Because, even if I love you very much, I might not change for you. I am ME.

Yours, Roshni.

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