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MARIONETTES
Marionettes are what we are
All controlled by strings,
Reduced to nothing more than puppets, characterized
Incessantly by wooden lips and painted smiles.
Obedient to your constant pulling and tugging
Naturally having no say in our lives
Everytime we open our mouths, another's voice is heard
This time we will control the strings though,
Tell me how you feel now
Every time I pull your strings,
Speak out..Say something… Can’t, can you?
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| LOL all suggestions are goods ones thank you lol I do think the double acrostic idea maybe is over egging it though lmao...while the idea IS really cool ummm I m not so comfortable working with structure in my poetry when I get a little better I wouldn t mind experimenting with it though... thanks... |
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Enjoyed this, Toni. The eerie feel of the puppet was strong at the last, contrasting well against the helpless manipulations of the start.
I think 'painted smiles' may be an option, either work for me, but 'painted on smiles' less so (just a thought)
'Everytime we open our mouths, another voice is heard'
may give emphasis to the lack of self-determination if phrased as:
'Everytime our mouths open, another's voice is heard'
'Speak out... say something... can’t, can you?' seems what you need in the last line. Getting the look of regularity and the correct diction and grammar are very important if you are going to put this where people can see this writ large.
Just a few thoughts on a really good Acrostic. I did have the thought that you could do it as a 'Double Acrostic':
Marionettes are what we seeM
etc. but maybe that would be over-egging it:)
Thanks for the read - Grae:) |
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Comment by: Jarfuls - 2008-04-30 17:07
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| I really liked this piece. The puppet becomes the puppeteer in the end. Great sense of imagery too. |
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| wow thnx... your opinion means alot to me... |
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| Well yes you achieved the acrostic and kept within the theme. actually I think the structure here fits the subject, marionette movement is jerky not smooth. I think marionettes are scarey, like clowns. in one sense powerless but in another rebellious with their 'painted on smiles' like some ppl I guess when we are never sure what they are really thinking deep down. we may control them, but in a way they control us. I think you have put it well here. |
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