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Confection Addiction (Alien's Terza Rima)
Sugar isn’t nutritious
But it can’t be beat
Because it’s so delicious
I run with my feet
To the nearest store
I just want to eat
Cake, candy and more
I can’t stop the urge
When opening that bakery door
Doctors tell me to purge
Confection from my diet
Put a hold on the surge
That causes diabetes to run riot
I wish the doc and others
Would just let me eat and be quiet.
I'd rather eat sweets than have countless lovers
I've already outlived my father and brothers
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Comment by: Dante - 2008-05-09 16:34
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| Umm, this poem was delicious. The last couplet was great. Thanks for sharing, D. |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-05-06 07:33
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This is indeed a humourous read. I like it :)
It's not really iambic pentameter, though, is it. ;P
Anyway - as a poem in its own right (I can't include it is the contest because it doesn't meet the requirements), it's great. The short lines actually give it a relevant sense of urgency and pace that suits the subject. Sure, some of the rhymes are a bit forced but there's some great moments in here :)
Cool. |
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AHHH I have tried to comment this like five times but my computer keeps on freezing. SO here it goes again lol. I really enjoyed this I liked its air of defiance but you still kept it light and humorous. I really like the rhyme scheme as well I am looking forward to trying it myself
p.s. i made sure to capitalize my I's for you :) |
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This was cute. I love the way so many writers on here can take a challenge and create comical rhymes. Wish I could do it. I have enough trouble just dealing with the challenge itself. Thanks for the read.
Verdi |
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Hi Janyce, This is cool, but not sure it fits the criteria for the challenge. I have a bit of a condition myself. Just started yesterday to check with a meter. I've been boarderline for a few years now. The good thing is I LOVE dark chocolate, so there's not as much sugar. hehehe. Gotta love that fortune. Check the criteria again to be sure you're on tractk with Iambic Pentameter:
ta-DA ta-DA (repeated 5 times.) Poem is well put otherwise. Loved it. Janet |
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