“I can do this.”

Sam’s head was down and his fists were clenched while his heart throbbed like it was about to burst out of his chest. Then, he let out a big sigh, held back his tears, and dared to look at his idol in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve made my decision. I’m gonna let you go now, Mimi.”

He looked at Mariah Carey for the last time. Gazing at the way she held the microphone up to get ready for a high note, he opened his hand and slowly lifted his arm toward the singer’s poster. He started to peel at the upper right corner, and tensely continued all the way until all of it was gone from the back of his room’s door. As he got the pieces of the poster and threw them into the trash can, confidence gradually took over his emotions. He let a smile light his face when he came out of the room.

“Oh, the birthday boy is up. Did Mariah greet you yesterday” his sister Cathy announced to their mother who was with her preparing lunch at the kitchen.

“Hey, son. How was your sleep? Was the pillow comfy?” his mother asked while chopping some vegetables.

“Yeah,” Sam scratched the back of his head as he walked toward them, “I slept good while hugging it. Thanks.” Then he went into the bathroom to start off his morning routine. His eyes gravitated to the shampoo bottle on the sink and remembered what he did with it every weekend morning he spent at home: hold it in front of his mouth and use it as a microphone to belt out a soundless song. But this morning, he went straight to the sink and washed his hands and face.

Sam heard his mother, “I had a hard time choosing a gift for you, I knew you’re a picky one. And your sister told me you already have a lot of Mariah Carey’s cd’s, so I ended up buying you a pillow.”

“It’s okay, Mom,” he responded, “I could use a nice, soft pillow these days.”

“Why, are you having trouble sleeping?”

“Mom, he’s in college. Of course, he would have trouble sleeping. And I know because I went through the same thing.”

“Yeah, I’ve been struggling with sleepless nights since I started my thesis. I only get to sleep sound when I’m here at home.” He took a towel and went out while rubbing his face dry. “And just so you know, I’m over MC.”

“What? You don’t like Mariah anymore?”

“Finally, a brother.”

“Don’t ask. Just accept it and be happy for me, okay?” He hung the towel over his shoulder and walked toward the fridge.

“Okay, I’m happy for you. But why the sudden change, son? Is that some kind of a resolution that you made yesterday?”

“I bet his resolution was to turn macho. I should’ve told you to buy him a Playboy.”

“Shut up. Can you just leave it at that and go on with your lives? ‘Cause I plan to go on with mine without your stupid questions and comments. Happy birthday to me.” Irritated, he grabbed a plate of cake and gave his sister a mean stare. Then he went back to his room, slammed the door, and sat on his bed.

“Brilliant,” he whispered, realizing that he forgot to bring a fork. So he decided to put away the plate and open his laptop. He went to the folder of the songs of his former idol and selected them all. Usually, he would press Enter to play them and begin his weekend private concerts, but he pushed Delete instead without hesitation. When it was finished, he gave out a smile and gazed at the empty screen.

After checking that his computer has nothing left of Mariah, he jumped back to his bed and hugged the pillow his mother gave him. His mind wandered through his memories of people teasing him, but they didn’t make him feel bad at all. Instead, they brought him a pleasant feeling. He thought that he was about to get liberated from the wicked world people have trapped him in, that he was finally getting free from their immaturity and malevolence. Excited, he reached for the wireless phone beside his bed and called a friend.

“Hey, Giselle?”

“Hey, Sammy! Happy birthday yesterday.”

“Thanks. So, what’s up? How’s the cd that I gave you?”

“I’m actually playing it right now in my computer. And I’m telling you, Mimi is insanely good. I love her! Thanks for the cd.”

He noticed Mariah Carey’s song playing in the background. “Sure thing. But you know I almost cried when I realized that I’ve given them all away.”

“I totally understand. I mean, it’s not just about the money, right? She was like your ultimate idol since, I don’t know, seven? And then you just let her go just like that? Damn, that was one courageous thing you did.”

“I know. But, hey, I did what I had to do. No regrets. I’m gonna graduate in a few months, and I’m gonna earn my own money soon. So I thought that it’s about time to start anew, and I believe I started good.”

“Yeah, you’re doing fine, Sammy. Keep it up, and you’ll completely move on. I just hope that this sudden change doesn’t screw your head up.”

“I’ll be fine, Giselle.”

“Hey, can you hold on a sec? I’m just pop some popcorn in the kitchen. I have tons of things to say to you about my crush.”

“Oh, so you have an update? I must hear this. Sure, I’ll hold.”

“Okay. I won’t be long.”

Then, the music got louder. He thought she must have placed the phone near the speakers, and it worried him a bit. His mind instinctively focused on the song that just began playing, one of his all-time favorites. He wanted to move the phone away from his ears, but he felt that he missed hearing her incredible voice so he decided to just listen to it until his friend gets back. He thought that it would be harmless, that it wouldn’t sway his decision of getting over, so he started singing, following the song. Then, his other hand began moving to the music’s beat, followed by his toes, and his head swinged gently from left to right. Feeling a bolt of excitement, he got up from his bed and pretended to sing while walking around his room like he was performing in a concert. His mouth opened wide whenever he heard the diva belt out a tune. His arm gracefully waved in the same manner as he sees she does when she sings. Walking with the sole of his feet slightly lifted from the floor, he folded his shirt up to his chest and secured it with his armpits. He also creased his shorts to bare his legs. Then, he turned around to wave goodbye to his audience. But before he could lift his arm, he saw his door open, and his mother standing by it, frozen, as if she saw a stranger in her son’s room. He also saw his sister behind, her jaw dropped and her eyes wide open. And he dropped the phone to the floor.

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