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vlm
Vachelle McFarland
United States, CA, Los Angeles

Words: 164
Access: Public
Comments: 5

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Verona

From a place of old bloodstains

Where love died yet still remains

And souls walk fitfully

Throughout all time,



Comes a story often told

Of two lovers young but bold;

A pair of tempters of a

Fate harsh yet sublime.



Come with me to Verona,

Hear it calling in your soul.

Walk with me in Verona.

Home is where our

Hearts long to go.



In a place where rivals flourished

Of a time and culture Moorish

Where two lives tied

To each other couldn't last,



Burned a love all-consuming,

Fraught by dangers ever-looming,

A struggle of race, politics, and class

Long ago past in old Italy.



Come with me to Verona

Hear it call out to your heart.

Dance with me in Verona

Home is the place from which

We must start.



In the dim of the setting sun

Ghosts walk among us every one,

So lay your eyes upon my face

As all doubts and fears erase



Without a trace

In Verona.

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Comments  
vlm Comment by: vlm - 2008-06-13 15:12
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Thanx, Al. I love the way different people perceive aspects of my pieces. In terms of meter, my usage of odd, sometimes jagged phrasing is intentional. It has to do with the musical rhythm of my mind. My taste in music leans towards syncopated rhythms in odd meters. I'm a jazz and progressive-rock fan as well as an amateur songwriter. If you keep that in mind you may find a different experience in the flow of the words.

As for the setting of the piece . . . well, how do I reference the romance of Romeo and Juliet in a local setting without bawdlerizing Shakespeare's original intent of time and place?

Thanx again for your thoughtful feedback and acute ear. It's always valued. :)
alcarty Comment by: alcarty - 2008-06-12 19:14
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I thought the tempo and fervor set a mood, but I'd rather see you spend your emotional energy with local settings. And keep to a regular stanza, because the rhythm goes off-meter when the line-pace changes. I think your words have more power when the thoughts are closer to home. Maybe it's just my ear. Good job.
vlm Comment by: vlm - 2008-05-12 15:13
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Wow! High praise from both of you. I'm truly humbled and pretty amazed that my words touch others in such a way. I'm also very grateful that you took the time to read and comment. However, I wonder if my allusion to "Romeo and Juliet" was clear or too obvious?
nivipooh Comment by: nivipooh - 2008-05-10 11:20
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Simply amazing, I felt like going to Verona myself.
Wildefriend Comment by: Wildefriend - 2008-05-02 17:01
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Pretty amazing and evocative. I like it. It feels old and new at the same time. Bravo!
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