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Missing the Tree for the Forest
She’s a single entity,
A lone tree
Swaying
In the breeze
Never touching
The leaves
Of the crowded forest
Around her
Encased
Embraced
By an isolation
So deep
She stands alone
On her own
Her roots solitary
In a ground cold
Unyielding
She looks out
At the teeming
Greenery around her
Musically meshing
Together
Colorful blends
Of energy
Enthused
Infused
with life
She’s an outsider
Looking in
Wistfully
Wondering
If her own spirit
Will ever blossom
And blend
Or will it simply end
With her roots
Withered
Solitary
Single strands
Dying
In a land
Furrowed
And planted
With life?
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Comment by: MsWizard Online- 2008-06-09 10:09
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| Mike, thank you for reading....and for commenting...I always look forward to your comments... |
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a veautiful work. very wonderful flow and imagery. really felt swept up in the rhythms and feel of the piece. excellent work again.
you're a wizard with words. (pardon the worst pun ever) :) |
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Comment by: MsWizard Online- 2008-06-08 13:56
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Crows thank you for such a complete and concise comment. I re-read this one and you're right, the "and" was unnecessary and I have removed it....I try to work under the "less is more" method which is a far far cry from my first pieces in which I literally buried readers under words....as I go on, I take a look at some of my earlier pieces and am in the process of revising them.
This particular piece was born out of the feeling of isolation...standing alone in a world yet surrounded by humanity....
Orpheus...you've opened up a moral question here....yes....I support we should ponder it....should the strong bend and sway in an effort to shield the weaker? Or is it kinder to let the weak wither and die? A question unfortunately that is so very difficult to answer....I always love your comments my friend...thank you... |
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Comment by: - 2008-06-08 12:07
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| This is another popular piece, a testimony to the communicative simplicity, and effectiveness, of your writing. The last bit gets me, 'dying in a land furrowed and planted with life?' It has a moral implication for me on so many levels. Where some trees stand, the strong survive where others fail. Is it then the moral duty of the strong to aid the weak by providing shade and roosting space or is it the task of the strong tree to kill the weak to preserve its space - a case of a fir tree being Cronos who would devour his young to maintain his throne? |
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Comment by: crows - 2008-06-08 11:40
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I really enjoy how this piece certainly embodies loneliness and isolation, but the frame of reference that it is in is also one of strength and solidarity. That even when we are standing tall with our roots in the ground - as a tree - we sometimes feel removed and alienated; I think it's a great reminder, too, of the fact that we are still standing strong, even if we feel like we're not really 'fitting in' with our surroundings (god knows most of my 2 years in LA have felt this way).
I did have one question... the line 'and unyielding'; is the 'and' really necessary here? I admire the simplicity of the structure in a lot of your poems - they're generally very uncluttered, and you do a great job of highlighting important words on their own lines - making those concepts stand out. When I was reading, I felt like that connector was a little extraneous, and because of your style, the piece would definitely flow just fine without it. |
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