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ParchmentPoetry
JANET K POLUDNIAK
United States, NY, Cayuga

Words: 182
Access: Public
Comments: 6

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ALIEN CHALLENGE #15 - TERZA RIMA - MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Copyright 2008, Janet K. Poludniak

Every man is running in a race,
not against another, by the way,
but challenged daily by that mirrored face.

"Have we done our best throughout this day
or would a change serve better in the end?
Should we seek to find a better way?

Will folks scorn, or praise us as a friend?"
These are answers we alone can know;
honesty will serve . . . on this depend.

Not the things we say, but what we show
daily by the little things we do;
we can make a difference as we go:

ripples in the pool of "Changing Through,"
making each day better than the last.
“Have we need to alter what we brew?

Are there roadblocks present from the past,
things that keep our hearts from empathy
and thwart our growth, the changes that will last?”

Searching in the deepest part of me,
I find within a quality of life
that's richer, fuller since Love set me free.

Safe, secure, unthreatened by the strife,
I know that I have found a better life.

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Comments  
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-05-06 09:54
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Sorry it didn't fit the bill. I like poems with regular rhythm and rhyme. I rarely write in free-verse style. I guess that's just who I am. For me, poems that DON'T rhyme and follow a cadence feel wrong. I looked up enjambment, but I just don't get it. As always, I appreciate all you do, and your comments. Janet
alien Comment by: alien - 2008-05-06 08:10
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I like the sentiment for the poem, but again - it's very safe. You've really stuck to the metrical and rhyme pattern very rigidly and the rhymes don't come across as really forced. I wonder why there aren't more places where the meaning of the line flows into the next - it all seems very end stoppy and therfore a little bit too rigid. Use more enjambment to get this poem really flowing.

However - I appreciate the fatc that you've obviously read the rules and tried your best to stick to them.
I've read better from you but this is great :)
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-05-05 18:28
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Thanks, jgilgun. I needed the encouragement. Much appreciated. It was a first for me. Usually my poems are not so complex. I'm working on that. Thanks for commenting. Janet
jgilgun Comment by: jgilgun - 2008-05-05 18:24
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I like this poem. It's very different from what I write and it has the feel of a 19th American poem. Nice work--meter is good and I like the rhymes.
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-05-03 16:06
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Thanks for catching that. WIll have to re-write. Never noticed it--I was concentrating on the following stuff so much I missed it. I capitalized Love as it represents Diety. Thanks for commenting. Janet
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