 |
 |
 |
| |
Social Anxiety
Starts with the fuzzy opening of eyes.
Mind makes connection with stomach, burning
can't be stopped, even with mental lies.
Always black, at a funeral mourning
the loss of something never to be seen.
Staring at nothing but the sea, churning.
Washing, scrubbing yet never ever clean
of the nightmares that come during the day.
I don't know what’s ahead. Where have I been?
“Wanna go for dinner?” I’d rather lay
down and die, but never cry ’cos tears
are not allowed. The chest pressure must stay.
“Meet at the bar?” One of my many fears.
Nothing can harm; only whispers, judgment.
“Things should be chilled; it’s only a few beers,”
I tell myself. Then comes the thick cement
pulling me down and poisoning inside.
I must make you sick with my deathly scent.
Subconsciously I have already died,
but won’t deal with that. It's easy to hide.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: Dante - 2008-05-10 09:36
|
|
| I really enjoyed reading this poem. As you stated, this sort of thing can be hidden, yet you lay it all on the line. To the reader, this sentiment rings true. Thanks for sharing, D. |
|
|
| Interesting description, but I'm greener than grass on this stage, so no critical comments. I see Cheryl has already left remarks, so I wish you the best. Janet |
 |
Comment by: alien - 2008-05-06 08:25
|
|
I like this a lot. There's some great imagery in there and I really like the introspective pov that you've used. Agreeing with Robin on the metre front: Could be tidied up a little but I'm happy with it on the whole. It suits the nature of the piece.
Thank you for entering the contest again :) |
|
|
| I found this a lot less impenetrable than some of your more esoteric works. it seemed like a very well balanced head and heart encapsulation with good use of illustrative metaphor. the second line hold the key to the rest of this I feel. Very difficult sometimes to get distance between actual experienced phenomena and written decription but I feel you have achieved this here. |
|
|
| I like this. I like the way the language and the message flow through the poem. Not strictly iambic pentameter but this doesn't matter to me as long as the loose rhythm keeps going. I think it's important to stay with five stresses to the line though and would worry about line four (four beats) and line nine (six.) Other than that, great, been there, thanks |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
