writing community
Sign In Here | Lost Password | FREE Sign Up
E-mail: Password:
Remember login  
The place for writers:
Upload your writing in minutes, receive peer feedback from other writers, poets, authors, then get your work published out there in the real world.       Learn how other writers are doing it.

 
ThePenguin
Peter Budvietas
Online
New Zealand, Auckland

My Bookshop
Words: 114
Access: Public
Comments: 19

Forward to a friend
Print Version
E-mail this writer E-mail this user 
View Author profile
Add to Readers  




Keys

She stood at her apartment building's doorway, her thighs squeezing together,hoping for a few minutes grace. Bobbbing with the spasms, she tried each key in the lock. None fit. She pushed at the door, the need going beyond urgency.It rattled in its frame, remaining stubbornly closed.

Legs crossed, agony in her face, she grimmaced, thinking how lucky males were in similar circumstances. If only she could do that! A quick release at the side of the building or behind a bush and it would all be over.

She heard footsteps behind her, and turned to face the newcomer.

He passed her with a friendly smile, walked to the door and pulled…

Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
Sign up






[Back to top]


My Bookshop

Comments  
ThePenguin Comment by: ThePenguin Online- 2008-05-12 16:48
Add to Readers
      
Thank you all for your suggestions - some have been incorporated, so if a comment doesn't make sense, maybe that's why.

Glad so many of you enjoyed this take on "keys" (or should it have been "liquid"?).
:-)
MikeMack Comment by: MikeMack - 2008-05-10 19:09
Add to Readers
      
It put a smile on my face, I can tell you that. Entertaining, complete, and terse. Very good. Kudos.
vanessaniki Comment by: vanessaniki Online- 2008-05-10 15:46
Add to Readers
      
OMG!!! I've been there! pushing on a "pull" door and all. Really great stuff.
Boonrassi Comment by: Boonrassi - 2008-05-10 15:00
Add to Readers
      
Bobbbing with the spasms,

//haha.. nice.

she (tried) each key in the lock.

//might be a spot for a good verb.

(Desperate now,) she pushed the door.

//bit of an intrusion from the narrator, a judgement. its really fine without it. her actions show desperate nicely.

Minutes passed.

//might be a better way.

thanks man.. fun, vivid story.
T
krademacher Comment by: krademacher Online- 2008-05-09 18:46
Add to Readers
      
ha! this one could be "liquid" too. It minds me of an old adage: "To a man, the world is his urinal."
1 2 3 4 Next

Sponsored Ads


By ThePenguin

Featured Writers

Advertising - Terms & Conditions - Short Story Submissions - Contact - Writing Competitions - Writing Links - Book Promotion - Sky-Tribe.com - alanemmins.com
  Member short stories, poems, comments and other contributions are owned by the poster.
Copyright 2003 - 2007 Edit Red I/S