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Dreams
When one dwells on a single task
there is little you bother to ask
and it is very easy to forget
when onto dreams such is let
Be it to be writer or lover
there is one thing sure to occur
though dreams do not die but men do
there is one thing the dead with you knew
Trust not to hope nor to your dreams
for things are not always as it seems
for if you have a mapped out route
who are they to tell you to scoot
Dreams dreams should be told to stuff it
if your time they do so covet
give them not what they so demand
just give a swift harsh reprimand
Do not bend to what they so want
with what they demand in their taunt
for they can just lead you astray
and take from you what is your day
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Comment by: mafsa - 2008-05-09 06:24
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hello! thanks for commenting on my poem =)
i like the message it conveyed- to follow one's heart and nothing else. because in living the dream is where we can find our purpose here on earth.
though the words are just simple, i think this poem is deep as a whole. inspiring, too. thanks for sharing!
Mary:) |
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Comment by: frees340 Online- 2008-05-07 19:31
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| Very harsh, but very poignant and well-said. Your story is well told. Poetry isnt my forte, but its apparently yours. The point comes clear and solid, and the style stinks of editing. And by stinks, i mean a good thing. |
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Comment by: Jorbian Online- 2008-05-07 14:11
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| Thank you. The 'adjoining words' as you referred to them, came from the meter which I was using, which was a non-traditional syllabic meter. |
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I enjoy the point of this poem, but my mind gets stuck on the way the lines are formed or the way you set the punctuation or lack there of. Also, I find when writing poetry the reading can be easy and just as pointed without all the "adjoining words" like, "though dreams do not die but men do"
it becomes convoluted with the two dos.
I like the second to last refrain best. |
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