ALIEN CHALLENGE #15 (Second) - IF
My hand is hovering o’er a virgin page
awaiting some expression from my head.
I tremble, realizing I’m no sage
to write those words so often left unsaid.
It’s perilous to wear upon one’s sleeve
such feelings; it’s rejection that I dread.
If I should speak of love, would she believe
that I’m sincere, or think I wish to steal
her tender heart—some wicked plot to weave?
I wish I had the words to make her feel
the depths of love I have, yet fear to speak.
I wish they'd manifest, even surreal!
This pallid page lays taunting now; and bleak
my hopes. They’re buried far beneath fear’s peak.
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| Hi Cheryl, Thanks for commenting. Sorry about the contraction, but I was a English major in college and everyone I read uses them--Brit. Lit. and Modern American Lit. I know pet peeves make us want to "slam dunk" something or someone, so I'll try to keep that in mind. As for the coda in the posting, I'll keep that in mind, too. I appreciate your help. Janet |
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Comment by: alien - 2008-05-10 02:53
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Janet. This is lovely :)
You have got the form down perfectly here :)
One word - I do hate contractions; whether they're deemed correct or not, I hate them (unless you're byron, shelley et al, because I can't have a word spoken against my romantics). I just feel that they have no place in modern poetry.
And it's in the first line! shame of shames.
But apart from that, yes. It's really very well-written and beautiful in sentiment.
I wish you hadn't put the coda in your post in the thread because I rather like making my mind up for myself what a poem is about.
Very nice work :) |
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| Thanks, Dante. I appreciate the encouragement. Thanks for commenting. Janet |
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Comment by: Dante - 2008-05-09 16:32
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| Well you sounded like a sage in this piece. The third stanza was my favorite and the ending was strong. Thanks for the good read, D. |
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oh no, I understand it means "over" and that it was used by literary greats of the past, but I just don't think people say "o'er"...sounds kind of Irish to me when I say it out loud. But each to their own hey.
I wouldn't say studying Mandarin (I'm far too lazy for that) just picking bits up slowly but surely from friends, students, colleagues. I know a fair bit, but not as much as I should or could. |
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