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Liquid!!!! WEE Challenge #34
To whoever finds this letter,
Please tell my family, that I just couldnt take it anymore.
I couldnt handle anymore cold days.
I couldnt handle anymore embarrassment.
I couldnt handle anymore humiliation.
I couldnt handle any more pain.
Please tell my daughter that I love her. Please tell her I am sorry.
Please tell her............That, if I could do it all over again...........I never would have picked up the bottle.......... I never would have traded her love, for the liquid that poisoned my heart.
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Comment by: karjon - 2008-05-19 11:14
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Very powerful wee piece, Mike.
I'm not keen on all those dots separating the words at the end, though - either make it ellipses or find another form of punctuation to give the emphasis you're going for. That's just my opinion though, so feel free to ignore.
Thanks for the read.
Cheers
Karen |
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| Thanks! |
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| Very powerful |
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| Sad indeed, but with a big punch. Well done! |
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| How sad. You could turn your character into a hero--desiring to live because of his beautiful daughter, willing to fight the demons, struggling to conquor what has conquored him. The is good, but a downer to read. We all need heros. Most of what you have works with a theme of overcoming--even the part, "Please tell my daughter, I may be gone for a while, but when I return, I'll be a better Dad. I love her too much to throw it all away." Maybe sappy, but those who struggle with addictive behavior need heros, need encouragment. I have a son who has lived that sappy stuff and succeeded. I'm really proud of him. Those demons don't really die, they are just overpowered by taking charge of the next minute and choosing to change. Thanks for sharing. Just my opinion. You've got a lot of words left to play with. The challenge is 125. Janet |
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