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Say, "Keys!"
“How was it?”
“What?” He could barely drink his coffee with that lump in his throat.
“Her kiss?”
“Gentlemen never kiss and tell!”
“Was it worth it?”
He crammed the toast with cream cheese, in panic and in pain, crunching crumbs on the kitchen floor. He choked in shock.
"Would you please let me eat."
“You arrived so late and forgot the keys. Did she give you THE kiss?”
“What keys? THE DOORS?" He abruptly tossed.
“Her KISS! Tell me. Was it good? Come on!” She grabbed a camera and took a picture of his face smashed with a lipstick mark.
"I wouldn't miss your first kiss not even with a hiss."
“MOM!” The teenage boy left the table.
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Comment by: lancslass Online- 2008-05-11 13:25
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| Well, I was confused the first time through, but got it on the second. I thought at first it was an angry wife. Wish you'd made more of the kiss/keys confusion that's pretty funny but still, you left me smiling. Good one. |
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Comment by: antunes - 2008-05-10 09:10
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| Thanks all for your comments, I very much appreciate them. About the "kiss & keys" mix, it's not a question of accent, but assessment, for the boy wanted so much to obviate his mother's effort to get any information, that he skipped her second inquisitive and intimidating indagation, and reluctantly answered only what he supposed would take her out of her track. Only he couldn't... Oh, Mothers! BTW, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY (to all those adorable creatures:) |
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Now, that was classic. It had me laughing out loud. remember those blackmail pics. They'll be worth something later.
small nits - this sentence seriously needs more commas: "Devouring his toast crunching the crumbs on the kitchen floor he crammed the cream cheese, in panic and in pain." |
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Comment by: Arley - 2008-05-09 06:55
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| Hilarious ending, Ana! How embarrassing for the young buckaroo. Mitchell has already pointed what I was going to suggest. |
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sorry, I wanted to get this but I really couldn't get into it.
I kept stopping and starting because of language problems e.g.
"A gentleman never kiss and tell" = Gentlemen never kiss and tell/ A gentleman never kisses and tells.
"Was worth it?" = Was it worth it?
chocked = choked ??
But then I read the kiss/keys confusion and by that time I had already given up on it. This part made me think they were speaking with an accent?
Maybe, I'm just too tired toady? haha
Sorry. It's a shame because the dialogue seemed to be pretty natural, and the first few lines and the title did draw me in. |
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