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Liquid Eyes
He spread the fluid in a silver spoon and reached towards her lips. Opening her mouth widely and overextending her throat, Jacob searched for any symptomatic disease like a needle in a haystack. He gave her a glass of water which she drained.
"You must drink several litters each day".
Lindsay coughed out, holding the white tissue, filling it easily with snot, brownish mucus and a small amount of blood in the centre.
"I'm so sick, rather stick a fork in me. I'm done!" She gazed at him looking for compassion. His liquid eyes emphasized the purity of his soul that many a time Lindsay wished to imbibe. After all, she was the one ditching him at the altar.
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Comment by: antunes - 2008-05-10 10:13
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| Thanks! I put the names on the "he's" and "she's", hope it helped. |
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hey,
good, some real cool images here. lots of 'he's and 'she's here..which make the sentences sound a little like bullet points...but some the visual ideas are top notch. |
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| Last paragraphy, you're repeated a picture that seems to spoil the flow. You could easily drop: "that his eyes were filled with tears." That would give you 7 words elsewhere. I like the story, but it leaves me wanting more information. Janet |
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