I always knew that the day I lost my fingers would be the day I lost my life, but it never seemed to come. It wasn’t really a fear I carried with me, it was more like, just a thing floating around in the back of my subconscious. I did my best to explain this to Todd, who was an A.A. counselor, but he called me ‘fatalistic’ every time I drove around town, arm hanging with hand outstretched to catch windcakes. I preferred the more zen-like ‘karmically indifferent.” What little fear I actually had of severed knuckles was overshadowed by the desire to enjoy a cool breeze on a nice day, riding a gassed-up metal bullet to a nowhere destination.

He once called me a hedonist and I didn’t argue. He had this desire to label the familiar people around him with various “–isms” and “-ologies” in order to categorize them properly within his own cranial schematics. He didn’t talk much to other people outside of his A.A. meetings, but he listened and categorized them based on overheard conversations and perceived actions. Within two days of meeting Todd, you would have your very own “-ism” and, if he really liked you, he’d bestow upon you an “-ology” as well. Since we’ve known each other so long, I’ve been called every “-ism” and “-ology” possible. I figured him out early in our friendship and from then on, I’d switch things up just to mess with him out of pure entertainment. I’m the only one he really talks to. He trusts me in his own fucked up way.

“I don’t know why you try to tempt death just to enjoy the momentary feeling of wind on your skin,” he said matter-of-factly. “It’s really just basic physics when you think about it.”

“Tell me, Todd. What exactly is ‘basic’ about physics?” I asked, intentionally provoking him. “Is it the knowledge we’ve come to know that makes it basic? Or is it more that the things in physics just are? We, as a collective society, know that when we drop something, it falls to the earth. We know that a downhill slope will only increase our velocity due to the same gravitational principal. We know this in the same way that we know the sky will be blue when we wake up in the morning or the stars will reveal themselves once the sun has dipped below the horizon. As a collective, we just know these things. However, it’s the people that take it a step further, finding out exactly why the sky is blue or how gravity affects us positively and negatively that show us physics is not just ‘basic.’”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Todd turning his head towards me. After a good ten second pause, he returned his gaze back to the road and my smile jack-o-lantered. “Oh good,” he said with a sneer. “You’re in a ‘mood’ today. This should be fun.” He shook his head, chuckling as we continued down the highway feeling the spacers in the road rhythmically jostle the tires. My hand continued to swim in the air currents, moving up and down with their patterns and I let it be a slave to the movements as my other hand gripped the wheel loosely.

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