 |
 |
 |
| |
Once Upon a Time
Cupcakes and ice creams,
Little girls with big dreams
Wishing on stars, dancing in the park,
Once upon a time.
Cigarettes and tequilla shots
Pretending to be all grown up,
Wishing on stars, dancing on bars,
Once upon a time.
Card games and cooking meals,
Loving the way your skin feels,
Watching the stars, dancing in your arms,
Happily ever after.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: pj - 2008-05-14 03:08
|
|
| life is noe big party the imagery very is beautiful. |
 |
Comment by: pitbull - 2008-05-11 21:17
|
|
| short and sweet...the way we grow up..nice |
|
|
It's very provocative. I love how it shows childhood, teenage life, and adulthood.
"Cupcakes and ice creams,
And little girls with big dreams"
-very beautiful |
|
|
Very evocative. It is simple, but delicious in its juxtsposition of childhood nd adulthood. You might want to get rid of all the "ands" It change the flow a bit and doesn't slow things down. :-)
Best,
FC |
 |
Comment by: Jorbian Online- 2008-05-11 15:27
|
|
This is wonderful. I really liked it. You were so effective creating a sense of the passage of time. That was the most effective part of it.
The imagery is so vivid. You effectively take the reader from little girls at a party to a woman and her husband finding such happiness, in only twelve lines. Though its brevity gave it the feeling of a slide show, perhaps this is what makes it so great. It is wonderful. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
