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Whose mind is mine?
The day is not here.
Time ain´t much use.
I weren´t to be sure.
Of a thing I can choose.
There`s no real meaning.
Could we have some truth?
When I struggle to hold
Images of you.
What don´t really matter,
Is what I can do,
There was to much posture,
In what I could use.
Grapple with doubt,
And doubt grapples with you.
Forget what you want,
Release from a view.
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Comment by: akabinny Online- 2008-05-12 11:06
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I'm intrugued by this. It has the possibility to be something really neat. Title reminded me of 'where is my mind' by the Pixies.
I'm a little thrown off by the slang used in the first stanza.
"I weren´t to be sure.
Of a things I can choose." <-- This line confuses me. Maybe of "the" things I can choose?
I think this should really be fleshed out, because I like the theme you've chosen, however, I feel unsatisfied at the end by how little you've actually delved into the topic. Does that make sense? Anyways, would love to see what you do with it. Lemme know.
Good work. |
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