Torch Song (Recall/Karjon 35)
I gulp tequila, wipe my mouth, and approach. Pretending not to notice, she turns her attention to the girls at her table. Midway I pause, she glances; giving me the upper hand.
The band plays our song, the one we chose on that steamy night we joined lips and loins in sweaty ritual on a moon-paled beach. We soared above the stars that summer.
A trembling smile betrays her as I touch her shoulder, leaning down to speak. "Why did we break up?"
Tears forming, her brows arch. "You unfaithful bastard, don't EVEN try to act like you don't remember."
Want to comment on this Flash Fiction?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Flash Fiction and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: Arley - 2008-06-03 05:48
|
|
| Thanks Jennie! Been a coon's age since I've seen you around these parts, thanks for dropping by! |
|
|
| Ha! Nice twist at the end... I really wasn't expecting that. I so enjoy the way you pack so many details - and images - into so few words... and I have to agree with Boonrassi on this one, "We soared above the stars" is a winner. Well done! |
|
Comment by: Arley - 2008-05-19 04:26
|
|
| Thanks Tim, Anna, and Lee, and I agree with you Anna and Lee. Will amend. |
|
|
| Another good one, Arley. I agree that the last line would be better if 'recall' was replaced by 'remember'. |
|
|
Great job, Arely. You set the barre high! The first sentence takes me straight there. I thought I didn't care for ‘moon-paled beach’ on first read through yet it brought the strongest image so I changed my mind. :) I love that last line, big surprise.
To be super picky I’m wondering if ‘remember’ isn’t the more natural word to use than ‘recall’ and still works for the challenge. Like I said, it’s super picky. Well done creating such a complete scene in 100 words |
| 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next |
|
