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shuchikalra
Shuchi Kalra
India

Words: 131
Access: Public
Comments: 3

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Rice and the Woman Laborer

She toiled the soil,
Battling life on dusty land
Hungry, poor, sans no foil.


Wrinkled forehead oozing brine
Prime of youth, age showing sign
Ribs wrapped in filthy rag
I doubt what hue it was
No frown, no cringe, no fuss, no whine
But life is full of flaws.

A little urchin weighing down her waist
She walks on
Trudging calm and bold
But lighter than the bulk of soil
Her matted head could hold.

She reeked of life
Of life that stunk and stung
Of struggle and sweat
Her skin parched but wet.

Fistful of rice scattered on dust
Grey, granular, grotty
Streaked sallow cheeks, mouth a-crust

Tonight bellies will rumble again
No end to the pain.

Eyes glistened but no turmoil,
Cursing flimsy weak hand,
She soiled her toil.

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Comments  
Wildefriend Comment by: Wildefriend - 2008-06-09 22:50
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This is a very poignant portrait painted in words. Just a few things to watch. You can probably change one section and get rid of the repetition
"of life"

She reeked of life
That stunk and stung
Of struggle and sweat

The word "but" could also be removed because it slows down the lines when they need to keep moving ahead.

:-) FC
Jorbian Comment by: Jorbian Online- 2008-05-14 21:35
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I really liked it. I always like good use of rhyme. You use rhyme splendidly here. It is good.
TrackerBt1 Comment by: TrackerBt1 - 2008-05-14 18:26
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This poem shows great depth in its straight, direct, and simple to the point nature. To quote someone brighter than me: "I don't know poetry but I know what I like", I liked this very much.
1

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By shuchikalra

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