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DrCarter2001
Joel Shulkin
United States

Words: 300
Access: Public
Comments: 4

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Ten Days to a Wedding

Ten days of wonder, walking on air –
Let everyone know about the affair,
For in ten days our moment we’ll share.

Nine days of excitement, anticipation,
The thrill of planning in preparation
For the upcoming day of celebration

Eight days of languor, the days seem so long.
Picking out colors and choosing the songs,
Checking each detail so nothing goes wrong.

Seven days more; there’s so much to do,
Divide up the tasks between me and you.
Will we have the strength to dance when we’re through?

Six days of yearning, will the day never come?
Each passing moment beats like a drum.
How tedious all of this has become!

Five days of tension, stress levels high.
“What do you mean?” you say. “You can’t choose which tie?
Just decide, for my patience is in short supply”.

Four days of calm, things fall into place.
Since we’ve handled the conflicts with excellent grace,
There’s still ample time to rehearse our embrace.

Three days of worry, time’s running out.
Still so much to do and such running about,
We’ll never be ready, of that I’ve no doubt!

Two days of dread – fears of our new life.
Once we’ve been pronounced husband and wife,
Will we be happy or wallow in strife?

One day of composure, no more can be done.
What happens will happen and can’t be undone,
So best to stop stressing and simply have fun.




After so very long we’ve at last reached the day.
Everything’s perfect, nothing astray.
And all that remains is to throw the bouquet.


One day of love and the clock starts anew.
There’ll always be something still more to do,
But we’ll face it together, just me and you.

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Comments  
Juan2 Comment by: Juan2 - 2008-05-28 13:07
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The rhythm is real sing-songy and helps lend a easy mood to the piece. I enjoyed the descriptions and could feel the stress building up until those last two stanzas where the seperation feels like a big breathe of release. Very entertaining.

happy writings.
DrCarter2001 Comment by: DrCarter2001 - 2008-05-22 05:46
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Thanks for the feedback! I had forgotten to upload my revisions and had already addressed some of those issues after Janet's comments, but I appreciate the additional points about repeating "day" and putting in quotation marks. Please see what you think of the new version.
And yes, I might have someone read it at our September stateside wedding.
Thanks!
symonnetorpy Comment by: symonnetorpy - 2008-05-21 21:03
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this rather sounds like a piece you could read at a wedding/you could put inside a card. i think there are some real gems here, but i feel you could make it better by fixing up some of the metre issues:

[For in ten days a special day we will share.] The repetition of the word 'day' here is rather jarring. Another word might be more effective - moment possibly??

[Will we have strength to dance when this is all through] Too many syllables, which interrupt the flow. Try taking out 'all'.

[Just decide, for my patience is in short supply.] Felt that this could have been more effectively treated. First of all, it needs quotation marks to indication direct speach.. perhaps revise the wording, while working with the same idea.

cheers
ParchmentPoetry Comment by: ParchmentPoetry - 2008-05-15 20:24
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Nice! I like it. Are you getting married? If so congrats on that as well. If you're open to suggestions, the 4th stanza seems spoiled by the last line. If it were me, I'd change it just a bit to make the rhythm fit:
Seven days more; (there's) so much to do;
Divide up the tasks between me and you.
Will we have the strength to dance when we're through?

And this line: "Once we’ve been pronounced (husband) and wife." You're already a man--and no one needs to announce that. The thing that has changed is your marital status. You become a husband, not a man, and the rhythm fits.
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By DrCarter2001

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