 |
 |
 |
| |
Dawn Swallows
For the night
fly the fallen birds,
cawing at the stars
to burn down
the sun.
Scratching at the sky
for the ground,
they perch
on spindly legs
and branches
funnelling black
webbed songs
from their beaks...
... and you,
(as you sprout
feathery limbs).
I'll fill your new veins,
and dry black your eyes
as we feed our souls
to the crows.
Want to comment on this Poetry?
Sign up to Edit Red and you will be able to comment on Poetry and get access to: Upload your own stories and poems, get readers and their feedback, promote your work...
|
 |
|
[Back to top]
|
|
 |
Comment by: - 2008-05-29 03:11
|
|
"Scratching at the sky for the ground"
is a great line. The futility. The irony. I wish I could makes a little cartoon-film out of this. It would be all full of jagged thick dark outlines and it would look as if the paper beneath it was worn and stained.... sort of a world of brown-black blots, of narrow jagged branches and birds against a faded sky, and jumpy movements (like when you suddenly skip a few frames ahead, or when you just don't have enough frames) and flashes of light, as if it was played on one of those ancient projector thingies...
(ok now I've gotta stop stealing your poem) (But I think this would work better than the stereotypical LotR-like sadness scenes.) (ah well, adios) |
 |
Comment by: akabinny Online- 2008-05-17 12:50
|
|
| What about... Silence Swallows. A few plays on words there. I like it, good work as always, Your last verses always tie it up beautifully. |
 |
Comment by: nad04 - 2008-05-16 04:48
|
|
| love the nature metaphors ! very simple and neat.. |
 |
Comment by: Loloix - 2008-05-15 23:29
|
|
i love the freshness of the poem.. going back to nature//
well written.. |
 |
Comment by: Jorbian - 2008-05-15 20:21
|
|
| I actually like it. Its good. |
| 1 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
