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Deepbluejc
Jennifer M
United States, Texas, Borger

Words: 102
Access: Public
Comments: 8

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Wee Challenge 35 Interrupted

Hastily she grabs the box. He will return in an hour; she can't be interrupted, he can't know.

She sits on the yellow tiled floor and dives into the box with the colorful wrappers. Her mouth waters as she rips into Eden; both hands crammed with sweet desire, mouth consumed with sugary delight.

Fist full by fist full she inhales the forbidden treats; she can't get the wrappers off fast enough. Her stomach does a familiar somersault.

She leans over the toilet, sticking her fingers in her mouth. She slides against the tub with feelings of fulfillment and shame.

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Comments  
lancslass Comment by: lancslass - 2008-05-19 10:38
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Hi, Jennifer, wow, this is intense, and I imagine, all too common. I like the sense of urgency you have created and the real time action going on. Something to think about: You have the word ‘full’ four times here, six, if you include colorful and fulfilled. That’s a lot in a 100 word piece. Anyway, good job
DavidHe Comment by: DavidHe Online- 2008-05-18 03:31
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VEry interesting story with so few words! Well done! Best wishes.
Deepbluejc Comment by: Deepbluejc - 2008-05-17 09:27
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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your comments and suggestions. :o)
Arley Comment by: Arley Online- 2008-05-17 08:12
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Good job, but you started the first three sentences with SHE. I'd change the first one to "Hastily, she grabs the box."
nivipooh Comment by: nivipooh - 2008-05-17 03:24
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Hmmm a quickly written small piece. Has a good flow and I agree with WLC last sentence is quiet well written.
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